aristocrats joke script

Roquefort: Well, yes. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. Berlioz: Hey, do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir? While Madame and Georges are asleep. 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Scat Cat:Come on, cats! Quick, kittens! What do you think? Oh! Scram! Frogs: [singing] Ribbit, croak, needeep, croak, ribbit. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Ooh. Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. You don't need to scream. Huh? Duchess:[offscreen]And they are very fond of you. Two cats throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him. Duchess: Oh! Why, oh, why, is he allowing this to happen!" Roquefort: [Yawns]So, that'sCreme de la cremeala Edgar. Uncle Waldo: Dreadful! Edgar Balthazar:Uh, allow me, Madame. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. I'll be gone. He rips off his wife's bra. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3" features five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from "Aladdin". Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! Mark Elliott: He lived a solitary life behind stone walls. Are you all right? O'Malley:Yeah, honey. More details are available in the progress report. Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. He bit my finger! O'Malley: Duchess, this isthe greatest cat of'em all: Scat Cat. Evening, Edgar. Toulouse:Yeah. Lafayette:This sure beats runnin', Napoleon. Oops! It says here. One joke prevails over all others, however: The Aristocrats, a joke comedians keep back to tell each other (or themselves, as a warm-up act). I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh! Gilbert Gottfried: And then the talent agent says, "That's awful. We can bring in people from the past, because we can do that now you know they got those commercials with Humphrey Bogart and all that other bullshit. Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts pissing all over. Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. I'm afraid it was justthe imagination of an old lady. I've heard the "joke." Edgar Balthazar: Cats inherit first! [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? Thank you all. I've had all the help I can take. Mark Elliott: Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams. Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. Splendid! I havea cracker with me. Frou-Frou: Hurry, Roquefort. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Edgar! Duchess? Pat Cooper: My grandmother, on the stage, has an abortion! Duchess: [Laughing]Why, monsieur,your name seems to coverall of Europe. Edgar, old chap, get used tothe finer things of life. [The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart] In their first and only feature-length motion picture. Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! You are a great talent. Marie: And are we reallygonna ride on it? [offscreen]Toulouse? Size nine-and-a-half. Napoleon: What was that? Mark Elliott: And take part in the wedding of the century. What a classyneighborhood. Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. O'Malley: Right underthat magic carpet. The Aristocrats- Not Telling The Joke. We British liketo keep things proper. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: You're a shamelessflatterer, Georges. Whoa! Berlioz? It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. Good heavens! It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously. Toulouse: Is there anything we can do tohelp you,Mr. O'Malley, huh? 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. But now we have tocook up a little spell. (2x) But I think we shouldget on with the will. Oh, I meanyour pad. The scene is stomach-churning, and thats the point. Sir? Roquefort:H-How about--O' Grady? That's good. Lafayette:How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man? [offscreen]Huh, and those kids. O'Malley! Come on. This is the second theatrical appearance of South Park. Duchess:[ Laughing ]They could hardly keep their eyes open. And I think this young manis very handsome. Winnie the Pooh! Naturellement! [ Hiccups ]. Ooh. [Screen fades to reveal more clips] Aladdin and Jasmine's dreams are eventually coming true. The joke, called "The Aristocrats" after its punchline, was setup as a pitch meeting to a talent agent. And he's like, "It's not a f***in' prop act, is it?". You know, I mean, one of those--. Now, Toulouse, you goand start on with your painting. He tries to shut it, but the alley cats attack]. Here, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! I've made the headlines." Marie:[offscreen]Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey! Duchess: Yes. And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." Come on. Someday they're all goingto be yours, you sly old fox. O'Malley: How 'bout youand me, Duchess? [Engine Starting,Backfiiring][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Backfiring Continues] [Gasping] The police station! Andy Richter: And they eat the poop off the floor. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. Duchess: [offscreen] It's time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios. [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. Stocks and bonds? Berlioz:We were just practicingbiting and clawing. Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. Look at this! What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? Now, this isno time for fun and games. I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". In its most-basic form, a family goes to see a talent agent, performs their actwhich is comprised of disgusting depravityand once they finish, Stop! In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. Where are you? Georges Hautecourt: Will, eh? Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. Georges Hautecourt: Evening. Sounds like Scat Cat andhis gang have dropped by. Maybe it would come out right now as an (2x)[Coughing]Hey! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh, it's no use, Edgar. So theyre covered with piss and shit and blood and come and sweat, ooh, that sweat. Oh, no! Mark Elliott: With the click of the mouse, you bring the story to life! Andy Richter: Then I move my wiener back and forth, until stuff shoots out. Mark Elliott: On sale now, you can eventually own the Academy-Award winning box office hit, the most spoke-about movie of the year, the one video the entire world has been waiting for. His chin isvery weak too. The real joke is, it's not a Duchess: Over here, darling. Shun Gon: Shanghai, Hong Kong, egg foo young[ Laughing ]Fortune cookiealways wrongThat a hot one! Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. Scat Cat: Why, this is outrageous &crazy! Jillette and Provenza tell dirty jokes. Which pets liveon cream and loving pats? Something horrible is happening. When you lift something it better be a cock. Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it. Duchess: Please, girls. Abigail: We are to meet himat Le Petit Cafe. That ain't. You didn't say anything about blood." Well, that's easy for, uh,for what's-his-name to say. They're eating dinner, and they just finish, and their maid comes in and she clears the plates. Just back away from me. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. It's just, "Here we go, "folks. All right. And each cat has nine lives. And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. [Squeaking][Clattering] Oh! [Smacking Lips]Delicious! Come on, guys. Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. Two-cylinder, chain drive. Right off your cuff. Duchess? What happenedto your lovely tail feathers? Rita Rudner: The people are abusing each other. You know. Roquefort:It's notreally hard, Berlioz. He says, "Wow, that sounds good, what do you call this act?" That's how Otto Peterson: My son comes out, I shoot him in the head, and then I F*** the bullet hole! Georges Hautecourt:Very well. The middle is improvised, with gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice. [Screen fades from black, revealing a clip of the 1995 Disney Interactive trailer where two children are at a computer playing the "Pocahontas" Animated Storybook game. Love it. Let's rock the joint! Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, we fade to a black background]. Neighborhood! - The "Aristocrats." (outloud)Of course you can. Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Toulouse,Marie, where are you? The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. Duchess:Berlioz, come back here. All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! Did you haveany luck at all? Beau Weaver: And here's what's new from Disney Interactive. Another cat slides a hook under the harness. Oh, dear. Duchess: Oh! Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. Because with usshe never felt alone. Duchess: Now, Berlioz. Abigail: Gracious me. He sneaked upbehind me and tailgated me. But I'm a mouse! Kittens! Toulouse: I was havinga funny dream. Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Let's move, move, move! We give the first few rows garbage bags. Duchess: Oh, no, no, no. No. Duchess:[offscreen]And, wham, when weneeded you, you were right there. In the South Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke his grandfather told him while at the school bus stop. Who do you want me to sue, eh? For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. It was my favorite role. Run! Mark Elliott: Coming this summer from Walt Disney Pictures. Duchess! Uh, Iwassent here for help by a cat. Now, now, Berlioz. ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]No, no, no, Georges. We're on holiday. They'll be gone. [Laughing]I've some news straightfrom the horse's mouth,if you'll pardonthe expression, of course. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Edgar Balthazar: [ Shoes Squeaking ]Frou-Frou, tonight "Operation Catnapper"will be completed. The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time It looks like a serated sea snake. [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. Possibly a reprobate. Genie Chorus: [singing] They're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!! WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. The Aristocrats Joke Script. Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! Hurry, hurry! "The "Aristocrats. [6] It came to wider public attention when it was told by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner. Waldo's our uncle. She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. The film was created by Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released in 2005. You've got it! Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]That bird cage? I almost fell. Amelia: Oh! Jon Stewart: Um Yeah, I think it's best if we don't break it down. Edgar Balthazar: [Shoes Squeaking] If I were those mongrels, where would I find my stuff? Edgar Balthazar: Oh, please, sir, justhold on! O'Malley jumps into the trunk]. Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette. Doug Stanhope: So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. (offscreen)Four. Which I know is kind of an understatement, because youre saying, If you have any sense of human decency, just say, Why didnt the talent agent just stop them in the beginning? That this one rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles. [offscreen]His eyes are too close together. You have [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. O'Malley: What I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby. Victor: Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open. [sings] A guy so swell. Afraid,I guessyou know best,and I'm gonnamiss you, baby. ". Andy Richter: And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause] and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews? O'Malley: Well, uh, you seeI-l'm not exactlyher husband. Let'sget back into the basket, all of us! I'm tryin'to get to shore. Aladdin: [singing] I'm eventually getting married! O'Malley: Trouble? I've only got one. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them. WebComedians don't tell jokes. But then the mother goes, "Please, sir, if you just give us two minutes, we know you'll like our act." It's a totally different show. Edgar Balthazar: Must be round here somewhere. It received publicity when it was used by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner in September 2001. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_144090, https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_quotes_144090. Next O'Malley: [Chuckles]Now that's quite a family. And this time, ha,you'll never come back. All aboard! [Screen fades from black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo]. Uh-oh. [Roquefort runs to the trunk and works on the combination lock. And saying, "This is totally wrong! Georges Hautecourt: Ah, still the softest handsin all of Paris, eh? Which pets are proneto hardly any flaws? [Huffing]. Yes! [Grunting]Lafayette. Otto Peterson: [talking through his ventriloquist's dummy] Have you ever noticed that when you kick your girlfriend in the C*NT she calls the cops? O'Malley:[offscreen]All right. Marie: Ladies do not start fights, Buster, but they can finish them. Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. Young cat. Look, Frou-Frou. [Dives off the bedpost and bounces off the ball with his helmet]. O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. Berlioz: Come on, " Rodeford." The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Hold on! Now, you go for the tires, Laffy and I'll goright for the seat of the problem. Edgar Balthazar: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you are amazing! Something smells awfully good. Edgar Balthazar:[offscreen]Now, my little pesky pets. We're geese. He's just helping us to get to--. Duchess: Oh, mademoiselles, thank you so muchfor helping Mr. O'Malley. Edgar Balthazar: The police say it wasa professional, masterful job. Girls! 2023. This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." Amelia: Now, ah, listen to our idea, you stand here, dear. Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. You've just rescued Thomas, right? That's onlya little frog, my love. Roquefort:[ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I've heard your name. I'll get flat feet. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherf***ers. Alright? [Tearing]Oh drat! [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? And I always throw in that. Duchess: Oh, ho, ho,you are charming! Now, now, my darlings. This is a family who are raping their own children, and performing bestiality! Georges Hautecourt: Now, then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries? Yeah. I simply wantto make my will. Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. The father says to the talent agent, "Sir, our family has an amazing act. Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. I wouldlike to see your pad,and meet your friend Scat Cat. Bill Maher: It's a family act, but it's a twist because they're retarded. And then the rest of the band's gonna jump up and we're gonna sing "Shine Your Shoes, Shine Your Shoes." Ooh, ooh, ooh! Someday, we might meeta tough alley cat. because in a joke that's what happens. Mark Elliott: With it's all-new 37th animated motion picture! Mussolini. [baby begins to cry] Yeah I didn't like it that much myself. Edgar! Amelia: Uncle Waldo. Duchess:[offscreen]Berlioz, shh! Prev Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! Dig thesefancy wigwams. [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. The horse hits Edgar with her back legs and he flies into the trunk. Georges Hautecourt: You haven't got an extra foot,have you, Edgar? Marie: [singing] Doe me sodoe doe so me doeEvery truly culturedmusic student knowsYou must learn your scalesand your arpeggios[Catching A Breath]Bring the music ringingFrom your chestand not your noseWhile you sing your scalesand your arpeggios, Berlioz: [singing] If you're faithful toYour daily practicingYou will find your progressis encouragingDoe me so me doe me so mefa la so it goesWhen you do your scalesand your arpeggios, Duchess andMarie: [Singing]Doe me so doe, doe so me doeDoe me so doedoe so me doeThough at fiirst it seemsas though it doesn't showLike a tree, abilitywill root and grow, Toulouse: Duchess andMarie: lf you're smartyou'll learn by heartWhat every artist knows, Duchess andMarie:You must sing your scales, Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good evening,my little ones. It's a totally different show. [offscreen]Duchess and the kittensare in trouble! Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Criminiddly! Just we two. And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. This is reallynot lady like. Kyle?! Toulouse, where are you? Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. Scat Cat: [ Chuckling ] Say! [Whispering]Can you keep a secret? Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. O'Malley:[offscreen]Look, I'mgonna need help right away. Edgar opens the door. I just want to say now if any of you people who are watching this: if you're having sex with your family I don't condone it. You ready? The 100 Best Albums of 2022, But thats a whole other story, he deadpanned. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the It's about that big Bob Saget: I believe that's Shandling's joke. One squeakywheelon the front, it sounds like. You can put people to death for what goes on in the best versions of this joke! Don't worry. That'll be turning it on. [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? A talent agent is sitting in his office, Gottfried says. And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. They're too cutesy." Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing]Now, Georges, do you must be serious. Splendid, madame! Oh, no. Clickety-clickety-clickety. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? (2x) Oh, Marie, are you all right? They're back! Thieves! That's 'causeI practice all the time. While the son, still with his mother's shit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little balls. Georges Hautecourt: Wha--? Duchess:Oh! Duchess: Another flight intothe fantasy, Monsieur O'Malley? O'Malley: Well, some humansare like that, Duchess. Lafayette:Well, he didn't hurt me. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story", the newest Disney sensation on video. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. What do you call the act?" Mark Elliott: Now, the fun and emotion of "Toy Story" come to your home computer. It's time to get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all. Oh. Which pets possessthe longest pedigree? Isn't she, Duchess? The kid starts spinning around in a circle cause he can't control it. The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. From the theater.to your living room. Hmm? Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. The Aristocrats Joke!!! I'll think of a way. Roquefort:[ Breathing Hard ]No trouble, he said. I'll saywhen it's the end. WebAristocrats Joke [OFFENSIVE] Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K 4.1M views 7 years ago My take on the age-old Aristocrats joke. Oh, no! Mark Elliott: The story of one extraordinary human being. [Shrieking] What's going on?! After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". O'Malley:Maybe just a short, sweetgoodbye would be easiest. Penn Jillette: What do you call an act like that? Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. 4:39. "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. Jasmine: [singing] We're eventually getting married! [offscreen]Ah. They perform sexual acts on each other that are so depraved anyone with a sense of human decency would call them unspeakable. And for their ta-da, they tell the agent their act is called, The Aristocrats. In the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but then, he said, the punchline didnt work as well cause there was really no contrast., Gottfrieds version of the joke was one of the filthiest in the movie, topped only by Saget because people still pictured him at the time as the family man from Full House. But it is notquite Shakespeare. Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. Andy Richter: And all the stuff shoots on her face. Wendy Liebman: It's a family, the Cavanaugh's - Ann and William. And we were all ridingand bouncing along--. Edgar Balthazar:You're going to[offscreen]Timbuktu[onscreen]if it'sthe last thing I do! O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! Very good. The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. Then, presto! (oc) the agent says, holy fuck, not you asshats again. Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, This is totally wrong. Edgar Balthazar: Of course, Madame. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Whoo-whoo! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! I'm the one that sayswhen we go. She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone. There's incest. O'Malley:Well, now, wait a minute. That'spretty corny, though, huh? Have some. They start going down on each other all different kinds of combinations, there's 69, there's 29, cause the kids are young, there's 9. Mr. O'Malley! Ow! Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats? Duchess: Le Petit Cafe? Take that! Oh! A very enthusiastic--. Scat Cat:Hold it, cats! Elevators arefor old people. Now, run along downstairs. dvdsuper1. Duchess: You know something,Thomas, your friends arereally delightful. The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. It's from Carmen,isn't it? My own penthouse pad. [ Chuckles ]Not as spry as I waswhen I was 80, eh? The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. [ Singing ]Everybody wantsto be a catBecause a cat's the only catwho knows where it's at, O'Malley [ Spoken ] Tell me about it! O'Malley: Aloha. Duchess:[offscreen]Oh, never mind, Marie. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. Roquefort: That's it! [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. Edgar Balthazar:Coming, Madame! It was a little oldcricket bug. Roquefort:Oh, boy! Which pets know bestall the gentle social graces? Buzz Lightyear: [Closes his wrist communicator] This is no time to panic. So the piano player starts to play. Huh. I-l mean-- Well,I don't mean to interrupt. Well. Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. It really is muchtoo heavy for you, Madame. 0. Very good. Scat Cat tosses a bucket of water over Edgar's head. I'll show you a little bit later. Ooh, it's them shoes again. You see, my mistress, shewill beso worried about us. Roquefort: Not a sign of them, Frou-Frou,and I've searched all night. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. "Stuffed with chestnuts"? But we've got to hurry. Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. WebIts an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. And certainly no one can do this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar. It wasn't a dream, was it? Napoleon: Hush your mouth, you idiot. Don't be frightened. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. Duchess: Now, now, my darling. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, ho! [Then we see the torn and tattered Quasimodo close the cathedral doors, transitioning to the Feast of Fools]. Scat Cat: [to the others]I don't dig him. Duchess: Thomas, this is Ameliaand Abigail Gabble. Oh, are you all right? I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. Hey, hold up there. Here we go. [Laughing]Aren't you proud of me? Mark Elliott: And everyone's favorite characters. Hold on, Kyle. Lafayette: Oh, cricket bugsdon't wear shoes, man. "I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important," the comedian said. Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. Marie: But, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too? Frou-Frou pulls on a rope and the hook lifts Edgar up into the air. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Just in time now! [Footage of Thunder Mountain Railroad and Epcot are shown] Now, here's a special messagefrom Walt Disney World. Darling, why, that--Why, that's ridiculous. Thieves: [singing] Welcome to the Forty Thieves! The stormwill soon pass. She loves us very much. O'Malley: Well, humans don't really worrytoo much about their pets. Marie:Mama! Amelia: Sir. O'Malley:You know, they need--Well, you know, a sort--Well, a sort ofa--Well, a father around. Right? Oh! The Sounds like a gangof swinging hep cats. Beau Weaver: From moviesto magical vacations. Toulouse: Yeah. WebWatch more:Gilbert Gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney World: https://youtu.be/URuNJvtlGT0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: Now on video for a very limited time! You guys wanna hear a funny joke my Grandpa told me? Duchess:No, no, no, I like it. A family walks in to This is not a joke, this would go on TV. O'Malley:But-- But your owner is--Well, she's justanother human. Berlioz:[offscreen]He's sure glad to see us. Lafayette: [Chuckling nervously] Ow! And come to think of it, O'Malley,you're not a cat, you're a rat. [onscreen]Down underneath here. Whew! Subscribe for more terrible shit! Marie: Goody. Duchess: Now, now, Toulouse. Edgar Balthazar:You came back? Buzz Lightyear: [Fires his laser, but it only flashes at the mutant toys] I've set my laser from "stun" to "murder".
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